I've been reading How I Found Freedom and it's been blowing my mind. This is especially poignant as Yael and I are exploring the concept of becoming “undivorced” and integrating some ideas from how divorced couples live into our married life.
Here's on example of a a bit of freedom that I didn't even know I needed.
I was born in the USSR, grew up in Israel and now live in Canada and I've been shedding pieces of my identity throughout the years. But some things got stuck. For example, my dad is quite a handyman and as a kid I really enjoyed watching him fix stuff. I'm fairly good at it too, but since we bought a house I've been finding myself resisting fixing or building things around the house more and more - neglecting my traditional "husband" duties.
Yael kept pushing, I kept resisting, and today I realized that I actually, absolutely, totally, don't want to do any kind of handyman things around the house. Holding power tools frankly terrifies me - especially anything dangerous like a saw. I keep having flashes of my fingers getting cut off. Beyond that, most things I build come out crooked, misaligned and not flush or square or whatever other words people use to describe something well built.
I tried to get better at this but I really don't want to. I'm freaking awesome at other things - I'm a natural empath, a good dev, a good coach, a good teacher. I can also learn anything and can get better at anything, but I just don't want to get better at this. Acknowledging this simple truth and then communicating it to Yael was very uncomfortable. I felt like I was betraying a multi-generation tradition of men fixing things around the house.
But once the dust settled I felt free - free from expectations, free from guilt, free from a false identity I've been carrying around. There are people (men!) who are good at this sort of thing - who enjoy this sort of thing - and who are more than happy to do this for money.
I am happier doing other things with my time and I'm much happier making money in other ways.
Next time I’ll tell you how things are looking on the parenting front, which is probably even more mind-blowing.
It's a big change for me too. That gap between your capabilities to your resistance was frustrating and not understood until now. I'm happy the truth is out so I can find solutions to this and stop waiting for you. Freedom suits you my love❤️